Welcome to the second season of the BBR Podcast! We’ve come a long way in just six months, and honestly, I didn’t think we would travel so far in just 25 episodes!
I am blown away by the fact that we are downloaded over 1700 times and in 18 countries! I simply thought that we would reach and build a community of authentic daters in Denver. A goal that I still strive for each and every time that we put out audio, video, or written content on authentic dating!
First, let me share a little bit about what I’ve learned about authenticity in the past six months! Authenticity, to me, is representing yourself to the best of your ability. We all falter, we all waiver, but if we stay true to ourselves then we can move closer to the greatest life we seek.
Secondly, please allow me to thank each and every one of out expert guests that spent time with me, educated our listeners, and gave a big piece of their heart to us on each episode. They are truly the engine that drives this vehicle we have with the podcast! I enjoy comparing the podcast to a vehicle because it is here to take you to wherever it is that you wish to go! However, without fuel in the powerful engine, we would never arrive at our destination. The fuel is so important that it has defined what we do daily behind the scenes of the BBR Podcast.
The fuel is our mission. Our mission and vision for the message of the podcast are very powerful. It’s what gets me out of bed every morning excited to share the knowledge of our experts with you!
Our mission can be clearly defined as “To build a community of authentic daters worldwide so that we can connect, communicate, and collaborate better”! I am hoping that the podcast leads you on this journey with me. Here’s a quick video from our recent live event!
Thanks for taking a few minutes to tune in to the introduction portion of the live event on Dec. 6th, 2018 in front of a sold out crowd in Denver!
That being said, let me share with you the three most important things I’ve learned from hosting the podcast that help me show up authentically as I date in Denver.
#1- Set Your Intentions
When I set the intentions I had BEFORE I began dating, I found that the screening process that is a part of dating became easier! The screening process sounds harsh, right? But let me ask you a question. Are you going to date every person that asks you out?
Probably not! And that’s a big piece of the puzzle to save time, money, and frustration when dating! For example, if you’re meeting people online or on an app, and your browse past a profile that states in relationship goals, “Not sure yet” but your intentions are to find a committed relationship, then it is clear that you need to move on from that person no matter how attracted to them you may be!
#2- Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries can sound restrictive and constraining but when I established reasonable and healthy boundaries, I removed a lot of frustration in the dating experience! Boundaries can include when you text a person first or text them back. My personal boundaries are best to text a new person I am interested in between the hours of 9 am and 9 pm.
Here’s the reason why. I have a lot of respect for a person’s work life and often, their work hours are different from mine. As a personal trainer, my busiest time of the day is 6 am- 9 am so if I were to text someone I am dating “before” I go to work, that would be at 5:45 am… not very respectful is it to wake someone up early on in the dating experience!
Setting healthy boundaries is less about the other person however, and more about my self-respect! I would love for someone new I am dating to respect the passion I have for serving others through fitness and nutrition. I would also respect them more if they understand that I don’t text during a class or private training session to give my members the best experience possible!
Ok, so that takes care of the morning for setting healthy boundaries, but what about the 9 pm cut off time, Dave? Well, my fitness lifestyle forces me to get up really early! Earlier than most people I know! So, to be the best that I possibly can be for my clients and community, I need to be winding down by 9 pm and if I am busy texting a new interest, I may be getting too much screen time on my phone late at night which keeps my mind active and causes less quality sleep!
When I set healthy boundaries early in a new relationship, it helps both partners manage their expectations and keeps communication healthy. I recall a question from an audience member on the bonus Instagram live episode of the podcast with Rachel Friend, @itsrachelfriend. The question was, “How do we determine if someone is just using us?” You can find that full episode below!
I loved answering this question because to me, it has a lot to do with boundaries! If I receive a late night text at 10 pm from someone I just met, I may not know what their intentions are… it may just be a booty call! If I have set my intentions for dating to find a relationship, then accepting a booty call without commitment would be far outside my boundaries. I am reminded of this quote I saw recently!
“What you allow is what will continue”- unknown.
If you allow someone to late night text for a booty call and reward them by coming over, you would be allowing them to use you! That’s not what an authentic dater wants because they must stay true to themselves at all times!
On the other side of the coin, if you encourage someone you are wholeheartedly dating to text, call, and spend time with you within what you believe are healthy boundaries, then you will raise the standards of your own life and come closer to the great relationship you seek!
#3- Learn to Manage Your Own Expectations- You never know where someone else is coming from until you really get to know them, which takes longer than you might think!
Coming from a place of grace and compassion for yourself first and foremost allows you to complete step 1 and 2 which relate a great deal to step 3! When you first have compassion, grace, and patience for yourself, or rather self love, you can more wholeheartedly love someone else including all of their misgivings and flaws.
Remember that “it all starts with you” and if you can’t manage your own expectations with grace and compassion, when others put pressure or unrealistic expectations on you and the new relationship, unwanted conflict may arise and complicate your budding feelings for someone else!
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